Technical Writing--But What Do These Instructions Really Mean???

"Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid" - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  If you read Les' previous post you are aware we were having some technical difficulties with our Kerstan satellite dish. It appeared we needed a new part for it called an LNB. 
   As Les sat drinking his tea this morning I thought I would give the technical manual for the Satellite dish a gander. Simple curiosity drew me to the booklet.
   While I am not a technical writer per say, I have worked as a grant writer, produced a professional newsletter, worked as a journalist for university and community newspapers, written a blog which will be turned into a book manuscript, and started research for another book.
   I have a degree in English-Creative Writing and I teach writing tutorials online for a University, instructing beginning and advanced students in how to become better writers and how to write at a university level, therefore I am of the opinion I am qualified to critically review the written instructions in our Kerstan manual which should provide clear, concise instructions on how to assemble and operate the satellite dish.
   As I perused the pages certain things leaped out at me. The instructions were rife with typos and misspellings, such as, "With our mobile mini-SAT antenna you needn' t rennonce (sic) your satellite-programs, even on vacation, on camping tours in native- and foreign countries. To that end   you only have to fasten the outdoors system with the roof of your car or caravan." Well clearly an editor or at least spell check and a proof reader would have been beneficial before going to publication.
   Reading on: "With the help of the suckfoot this is very easy." Say what??? Suckfoot?? Is this a technical term--suckfoot? Is it a piece of equipment that came with our satellite dish: dish, LNB, antenna beam, wing screw, capstan head screw...yep suckfoot! I am familiar with the term suck face but this one is new to me. Call me an ingenue.
   According to the Kerstan Satellite manual this is a technical name for the satellite dish stand with a suction cup on the bottom. I am warning you though--do not Google this noun. It will provide you with links to porn sites such as "Cuddly Suck Foot Time" on You Tube, or Isis Taylor Pretty Feet Toes to Suck Fetish. Right, onward to Building Up.
   "You can assemble your off-set satellite dish at a wallwinkle at your window..." Wallwinkle??? Really??? Googling this term brings up Bullwinkle. Perhaps wallwinkle is a distant relative of Moose, companion of squirrel.
   "The antenna beam consists of two pieces ((3.1) and (3.2)) which you can combinate for..." Now wait a minute! I am certain there is no such term as combinate unless you are George Bush Jr. According to the technical writer of this instruction manual one can "'combinate' for the kind of assembling you choose. The arm in front with the LNB-holder and ball of the assembling arm you can (with the help of two parallel tongues) push together with the first arm...we recommend to grease the connexion between (3.1) and (3.2) a little bit." 
   Whoa, whoa, whoa! Maybe this is a manual more in keeping with the first Google search! Directions involving two tongues, multiple arms, and a greased "connexion" sound a bit salacious to me.
   The directions suggest "With the help a mast clamp (4) and two wing screws you can fasten the outdoor system with the wallwinkle, mast or railing of your balcony. Now you can easily regulate the vertical winkle of the slope with the help of a slotted hole and the end pieces...when you carfully (sic) remove the connexion between the two clamp pieces with a screwdriver or something like that." Something like that is such a professional term! I always keep one of those handy in my back pack. one never knows when one will need it.
   The manual goes on to recommend you "...put the ball into the suckfoot...with the help of the capstan head screw. Before you fasten the suckfoot at your roof we recommend to put a little bit of water on the rubber." And I thought my husband was reading up on how to fix our satellite. I am not sure these kind of positions are possible in the cabin of a narrow boat but if it helps us get better satellite reception I'm willing to help out.